Things I never, ever thought I'd say

This is a work in progress, periodically updated as new reports come in.

Things I never, ever thought I'd say

Give me that booger this instant!

Don't eat the flyswatter. Here, have a cookie instead.

Stop helping me clean the tub and go jump on the bed.

Please go watch TV.

Could you just wipe your own hiney, please?

No, you can't have your banana until you finish your pizza.

Get down off the kitchen cabinet. You might break my nice dishes.

Pee pee, come out!

Don't go in the water. Stay in the mud.

Don't swallow your gum. Give it to Mommy.

Next time, don't use permanent green marker to color your hands. Use the washable kind.

Who wants the last Oreo?

Whatever it is, just spit it in Mommy's hand.

Stop running around with that bucket on your foot. Put it on your head.

Don't slide off your bunk bed. Jump down.

If that happens again, hit him back.

Don't you want some candy? (This when my middle child refused to put on his Halloween costume.)